Expectations can be blinding things. When I was a child, my dad tried to teach me that not everyone is nice or my friend. I rejected that as a 6 year old because it sounded ugly, harsh, and dark. For me then, life was play and joy.
Somehow the notion that there should only be "pretty" things persisted in my brain. It was a preference that turned into a world view. I went to a college that was pretty. I loved people, gardens, houses and nature that was pretty. I continued to search for all that was pretty and avoided, denied, and reframed anything that wasn't.
Why? I would guess it was a protection mechanism. That I didn't want to confront my world view. That I didn't want to feel disappointment or see ugliness. That part of me thought I couldn't handle it.
It's understandable. Who wants to see ugliness? But the more revealing question is: What did it cost me?
When you avoid ugliness, you force yourself into denial. Denial is living in an alternative reality bubble where you are in charge of what is "true." But deep down your brain knows it feels true but it isn't truth.
You can't have delusion and power. You have to pick one. Denial says give up power for a false sense of security. Where power says give up a false reality and use me to handle what is.
To accept power, I had to realize ugliness is real. I didn't need to lie about it. I didn't need to deny it. I didn't even need to fight it. I just needed to accept it and not be SURPRISED by it.
While to this day I don't like ugliness (mean, abusive people, lies, hate, injustice, selfishness, arrogance, bigotry, supremacy, greed) I can see that it is. When I stumble upon it and I start to feel myself react to it, I can say, "But of course..."
From awareness, from acceptance of what is real, I can find my power and ask, "Now what do I want to do about it?"